The months after I lost my fight with God, I experienced a new level of grief. I had not yet entered into the freedom that comes from surrendering to God and still mourned the loss of what had been. It was during this season that I was introduced to the language of lament through a pastor’s sermon and Michael Card’s book This Sacred Sorrow, both of which encouraged me to embrace the despair and bring it to the throne of God. (This is when I also read Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection. The subtitle “Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” speaks to the confusion I felt going from a very happy person to one neck deep in sorrow.) I’m an optimist. A fixer. A doer. “I feel sad, so what do I need to do to not be sad?” That logic wasn’t working for me. So I learned to mourn. To grieve in the presence of God and to allow Him to grieve my sin and my pain with me. It was uncomfortable. It was exhausting (for myself, my husband, my closest friends). But I clung to my Jesus, kept bringing my sorrow back to Him. And when my prayers became wordless and my eyes no longer had tears to shed, I found solace in writing. This lament is word-for-word from the books of Lamentations and Psalms (I didn’t yet have words of my own to speak of my pain), rearranged a bit to reflect the mourning my heart was experiencing. What a treasure to my soul to read this now and feel JOY. My season of grief has turned to rejoicing, my mourning to gladness. The Lord did indeed deliver me! And reader, I can tell you that His faithfulness is not to me alone; He will deliver you. It is good to wait patiently for the Lord…



A Lament
from Lamentations & Psalms

It is said that it is good to wait patiently for deliverance from the Lord
But my heart no longer has any joy
My dancing has been turned to mourning
My heart is sick
I can hardly see through my tears
Panic and pitfall have come upon me
Devastation and destruction
Streams of tears flow from my eyes because I am destroyed
The waters were closing over my head
I thought I was about to die during this time of waiting for deliverance from the Lord
And yet death could not find me
For my tears showed that still I live
So why are you downcast, o my soul
Why so overtaken with grief
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that everything comes–both calamity and blessing?
Why should I complain when I am punished for my arrogance?
Let me offer my cheek to the one who hits me
Though He causes me grief, He then will have compassion on me
According to the abundance of His loyal love
For He is not predisposed to afflict or grieve His people
The Lord will not reject me forever
It is good to wait patiently for deliverance from the Lord
Let me sit alone in silence while the Lord is disciplining me
Let me lift up my heart and hands to God in heaven
Let me carefully examine my ways so I can return to the Lord
Bring me back to Yourself so I can return to You
Renew my life as in days before
I have called on your name, O Lord, from the deepest pit
You heard my plea:
“Do not close your ears to my cry for relief!”
You came near on the day that I called to You
You said, “Do not fear!”
O Lord, you championed my cause
You redeemed my life
So that now I can say
It was good to wait patiently for deliverance from the Lord