On Grief in Times of Joy

by Sarah Steele
March 2016

Joy
It’s found in the first cry
Of your first child
It’s in your first home
And the papers you filed
In your true love
Of five, ten, and more years
And in deep life friends
Who have laughed, cried, and cheered
It’s in your best job
And your many successes
And kind recognition
For pushing through stresses
It’s there when you add
Kids two, three, and four
And the cute baby antics
You’ve come to adore
Starting new seasons
And trying new things
Learning new lessons
And sprouting new wings
It all comes with
JOY
Which is why I’m confused
Why do I feel
SADNESS
and overall bruised?

For within each glad moment
There’s also a death
Of a season or pastime
A fleeting sweet breath

Grief
The birth of the first baby
Also includes
Abrupt interruptions
And postpartum moods
The house comes with baggage
Needs time and repairs
The length of your marriage
Brings heavier cares
Jobs aren’t forever
Friends come and go
And now you do things
That nobody knows
Having more kids
Makes you do weird things awfully
Like crying at couples
Alone out for coffee
While you want to embrace
Each new season with cheer
And lessons show God’s great hand
Year after year
The buds of your new wings
Push out with pain
And so many days you feel
Nothing but drained

It feels oh so wrong
You don’t mean to complain
Truly you love
The sun and the rain
These are the blessings
For which you have prayed
And these are the times
You never will trade
But I think to enjoy
The season you’re in
You don’t have to deny
The good that has been

When some person dies
We look for the good
“Aren’t you glad their pain’s over?”
And we wish that we could
Just grin for that joy
Of a happier place
It is a great measure
Of God’s kinder grace
But we’re also just sad
Today and tomorrow
And ten years from now
When the shirt that we borrow
Reminds us of them
And a tear trickles down
You don’t have to force glad
And wipe off that frown
Yes, it was beautiful
When they were around
And yes, it’s still sad
The day they left town
And yes, there is still
Much good to be found
To say that life’s good now
Doesn’t mean
That it wasn’t good then
And all in between

It’s true of our seasons
The good ones and bad
The empty and full ones
The happy and sad
I think of the saying
That’s wholly complete
“Til sin is bitter,
Christ is not sweet.”
Can you fully embrace
Only good in your life
If you choose to ignore
The purpose of strife?
If we know nothing
Of bitterness here
How will we know
When we feel sweetness near?

But now, back to joy
To love it today
When beckons the call
Of joy yesterday
That tells you t’was better
Your life in the past
And truly it was good
But good doesn’t last
Not here on this earth
Not the way that we planned
There’s only one joy
Everlasting and grand
The joy of a Savior
Who willing died
Who had a good life
But put it aside
For the ultimate good
Of our human race
To save us for Home
In Heaven a place
And when we get there
We’ll no longer grieve
To our selfless Jesus
We’ll earnestly cleave
If He had the best good
And yet He was willing
To give it all up
For the mocking and killing
All for our good
And to please His Father
Yet I look at my kitchen
Think sadly, “Why bother?”
It gives me great hope
That while there are days
That yesteryear calls
In its yesteryear ways
Today is the day
God has called me to live
And so with my eyes set on Him
I will give
My all to this joy
Set before me today
Lord Jesus in heaven,
Please help me, I pray.

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